In the spirit of it nearing the end of the year, and doing it because everyone else has, I’m dishing out some awards for 2009.

Ignoring the Evidence Award, sponsored by the International Homeopaths Association

Professor David Nutt felt the full wrath of Alan Johnson’s ignorance to evidence and expertise when he was sacked from his position as the head of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs. Prof Nutt spoke out against the government’s drugs policy, declaring that LSD and ecstasy are less dangerous than alcohol. Johnson took the line of ‘I don’t give a shit what you say, the government does not change its drugs policy for anyone – especially not extremely well qualified experts!’. And that was that.

Malcolm Tucker Award for Biggest PR Cock-Up

Prince Harry must have spent too much time with his Granddad, because in January this year footage emerged of him referring to an Asian army colleague as a “paki”. Then again, he does refer to his Gran as the “Sour Kraut”.

Batshit Insanity Award

Derek Acorah ‘contacts’ Michal Jackson via a séance was effing mental.

As it goes, I spoke to John Lennon only this afternoon, who told me he’d seen Acorah dress up in women’s underwear and prance around the house singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”. Only joking, I don’t really speak to dead celebrities. Please don’t have me sectioned.

‘I’m just a normal guy’ Award

This goes to Glenn “Obama hates white people” Beck, who’s nothing short of a cunt typically Fox News, with right-wing vitriol dribbling out of every one of his guffing orifices, attempting to play the average American card. Worryingly, he has a lot of support.

Biggest Victim of an “Orchestrated” Social Media Campaign Award

Jan Moir scoops this gong, not for being obese, but for her delightful Daily Mail article on Stephen Gately, where she eloquently, tastefully, and above all, respectfully, linked Gately’s death as a symptom of his homosexuality. Moir speculated that the circumstances surrounding his death were “sleazy”, and that it put an end to the “happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships.” Following a massive backlash on Twitter, Moir’s article triggered over 20,000 complaints to the PCC. Still, at least she apologised. Oh, wait…